Instead of thinking about sex with Jack, which I had still been doing, I thought about our last kiss. It might have honestly been our real last one. Because I still felt wrong about it. I still felt closed up. Now and then, Oliver would pop into my head. He came up whenever I would think of Jack in a romantic light. He would appear in my mind and tell me to slow down, buddy, don’t forget I just got hurt. I wanted to forget. But it wasn’t going to happen. Even with time apart from Jack, I still felt guarded. I thought I owed it to myself that time alone was needed. Jack could thank Oliver for that.
“You just seem super conflicted about everything. And Jack does seem like a rebound man.” My friend Marissa said that she ate her panini. We both went to a panini grill because it was another way for me to decompress. There was nothing like hanging out with my friend and escaping the rest of the world for a bit. It was so easy to get consumed with work because I always wanted to do my best. That was my gold in life. To find out one thing I can control and double down on. I may have just been an assistant, but I always took my career seriously. No matter what the role was.
“I am conflicted. I do really like Jack. I don’t want to think of him as some rebound man. But every time I think of him, Oliver pops into my head.”
“Maybe you should listen to that. Maybe it’s time after this long relationship with Oliver that you take some time for yourself. Think about it this way, and you know Piper, right?”
“Yeah, of course, his sister. Well, stepsister. What about her?”
“They can’t stand each other. She hates him. And I mean, if they’ve known each other this long and she can’t stand him–”
I was taken aback by that comment. “Piper had always made it seem like she–”
“Tolerated him. I know she always tried to make it look like she liked him, for your sake. She didn’t want to make him look bad in front of you. But the truth of the matter is Piper can’t stand him. It’s because he’s egotistical. He’s got a complex.”
I laughed. “Tell me how you really feel.”
“I’m sorry now that you no longer date Oliver. I can kind of let loose on everything, and I hated him. I wouldn’t say I like how he treated you. I hated how it was loveless for you. Do you know? You deserve better than that.”
“I appreciate that. It really makes me think about Jack a little bit more. Only because he admires me so much, that may sound weird, but I appreciate that he doesn’t try to hide it. He doesn’t try to be macho or whatever it may be. He’s very open about how he feels about me. It makes me feel like a goddess.”
My friend Marissa shook her head. “That’s no excuse to take things fast. You should still use your brain while interacting with this man.”
All I did was shrug at her comment and begin to work on my panini.
It wasn’t fifteen minutes when Marissa looked up at me after looking at her phone. “I’m guessing you don’t know what’s happening with Jack and his father. His late father.”
“I know Jack’s dad is dead. You don’t have to tell me that.”
I took the phone from her hand. That was when I read the headline. Seconds later, I realized I was in the same situation as the woman in the relationship with Jack’s dad. I was in a relationship with my boss. The only difference was that he wasn’t paying me off.
“Are you okay?” Marissa asked me.
I looked at her. Words couldn’t come out of my mouth at that moment. She seemed to understand that because she didn’t press on when I didn’t say anything. Eventually, I did say, “I don’t know when I’m feeling right now. This is a lot.”
That sentiment continued until I was working with Jack and his office the next day. For the entire shift, neither one of us said a word to one another. That sounds crazy, but I had an outline list of what to do on my excel sheet plastered on my laptop.
“I know you know about all the news. And I know I want you to feel the way you do.”
Looking up for my laptop, I said, “How do you know when I’m feeling?”
“If I were in your shoes, I would feel like the woman who my father pays off. But I would never pay you off. If you were to come forward and say that we had sex, I wouldn’t have denied it, and I would deal with it. That’s the difference between my dad and me.”
“You know, you always say that you admire me. But I admire you for saying that and understanding how I feel now.” While I spoke, my heart started racing, and I couldn’t understand why. I had to sense of adrenaline coursing through my body.
“I’m glad it doesn’t go unnoticed.”
“Really, nothing like Oliver. And I’m having a hard time figuring out how to navigate that.”
“I have an idea.” Jack left his desk and then walked over to mine. He grabbed both my hands and lifted me from my seat. “Look me in my eyes, and don’t stop looking. We’re only a few inches apart. What do you feel right now?”
My kiss happened without my permission. My lips did what they wanted. Before I knew it, our tongues weren’t in each other’s mouths. His hand was on the side of my face. His other hand was pulling me in by my back. This was the last thing that I had anticipated happening. But I was kissing the man I was aiming to push away. Were we going to have sex in his office? Was this all really about to happen? And what was going to be the fallout if this did happen? I guess I was only about to find out.