It all came crashing down. That was the first time that I hyperventilated in my life. One minute Jack and I were in love. Everything was going great. And then, just like with Oliver, it all turned in an instant. A sick joke. That’s what it felt like.
In many ways, I had given Jack my everything. And a vulnerable time in my life, I opened up and allowed him to get close to me. Did I regret it? A little bit. Because it just hurts so much.
I stopped my car at a red light. The tears were still falling. I wished I could go back an hour earlier when everything was good, and I didn’t have to worry about my future anymore. Jack had been my future. I was betting on it. Suddenly my future was foggy.
When the light turned green, I pressed down on the gas without regard for the speed limit. My heart wants pounding, my cheeks were drenched in tears, and my adrenaline was pumping. It was such a strange sense of anger. That was because I couldn’t tell if I was angry with myself, Jack’s situation, or a combination of all of them. All I knew was that I needed to get it out somehow. Driving fast was my outlet for the moment.
The street was empty anyway. And if I got pulled over, I really didn’t care. Behind that steering wheel, I felt like I had nothing to lose. There was no way that I would be welcome back at work. Jack thought that I was his enemy. So with no job, no relationship, my entire life was up in the air. What was a minor speeding going to do?
The engine roared. The buildings zoomed past my car. I rolled down my windows to feel the air go through my hair. Not only did it make my hair look crazy, but it dried the tears from my cheeks.
Thud.
Up and down my body went.
My head almost hit the car’s roof: clunk, clunk.
I had heard the sound before and knew it was a flat tire.
A primal rage filled my chest. I rolled up my windows so that I could scream. Once the glass was all the way up, I let out the most prolonged scream possible.
I leaned my head back on the seat and took a deep breath. Was it rock bottom? I wasn’t too sure. All I knew was that I didn’t want to move. My body felt frozen like a statue. All my sadness and anger had evaporated, and I was just left feeling numb. They say in those moments that there’s nowhere to go but up. Envisioning that was impossible.
Knock knock.
I jumped out of my skin when my ears picked up the noise. The knock had only been a light rap. But when you’re not expecting it, the sound is thunderous.
When I looked to my left, there was a man in a suit. For a half second, I thought maybe it was Jack. That was foolish, though. He had no business following me in my car.
I rolled my window down and asked the man, “Can I help you?”
“I noticed you had a flat. Do you need help changing it?”
“I do, actually. The last time I changed the tire was a half-decade ago, and I don’t remember how.”
The man chuckled. “Let me get my tools.”
Sitting in the car while he did that, I took yet another deep breath and then left my car, knowing he would need to jack it up.
When he came back over, he said, “No offense, but you look like a mess. Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Just one of those days.”
He nodded and took off his suit jacket. “I hear that. I don’t think I had a day that was close to yours but working in an office all day for corporate people can be rough. It’s just mentally taxing.”
“Where do you work?”
“Top-Tier-Luxury, it’s a–”
“I’ve heard of them. I was actually supposed to work for you guys.”
“Oh wow. Small World. The company is always looking to hire people. I know it’s not my place to put this out there but, given the day it looks like you’ve had at your job or wherever you’re coming from, we’re not a bad place to work. It can be stressful. I’ve always been happy there.”
“It’s something I’m still thinking about. Actually, before today I was not even considering it. But now I don’t know.”
“May I ask if your problems today are business or personal?”
I laughed. It was a cynical laugh. “A little bit of both.”
He set everything up by the wheel that had the flat, looked at me, and said, “Maybe you can tell me all about it over dinner?”
I smiled a broken smile. After my long antagonizing day, I didn’t hate the flattery. It felt good to be admired. It hadn’t been long since I had been admired by the man that I actually liked. But whatever, there was no way that I would go out on a date with a man who was changing my flat tire, whom I also met on a whim. “Thank you, but I don’t think I’m at the point in my life where I can go out on a date. But again, I appreciate that.”
“Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He started to get to work on the wheel.
It was a possibility that I was going to go work for his company. As for Jack, I knew in the depths of my heart he was never going to forgive me.
I was going to need to find a way to move forward with that knowledge.